We have all been there, unless you're fucking crazy. You break up with your significant other and find yourself in bed looking at their Facebook, silently crying, while stuffing your face with ice cream. It’s always difficult losing someone you thought was your everything then finding out they weren’t. After my last break-up I decided that instead of sulking around I was going to get out there and really get after it.
I realize that it is hard to let go of something that you become familiar with. It’s like breaking a bad habit at the drop of the dime. But what we have to come to realize is that we came into this world as individuals. Essentially, we came into this world alone, so any familiarities we have grown accustomed to are not necessarily essential to our overall well-being. What I mean by this is that at birth we were completely healthy and happy without any of the things that we might long for if we lose them in our adult lives.
It is selfish for us to think that we can be with someone else when we are not at peace with ourselves. When you are in a relationship you should be able to put your trust into the other person while holding onto theirs. It’s reciprocal. When it stops being so, it’s time to go. Here are some things I did when I turned to run the other way.
1. Go to the gym. Aesthetics. When you look good you feel good. Channel all the frustration and anger you had from that failed relationship and take it out on the weights, elliptical, yoga mat, etc. Whatever it is you do for exercise, go to the gym, and GO HARD! If you’re actually putting enough effort in you will see results in no time. Your visual appeal is definitely one of the best ways to get positive attention from whoever it is you seek it from. It’s also a lot easier to get over the past when someone you want to fuck is checking you out. Now you see, reciprocation.
2. Don’t dwell on the past, focus on the now. So what you're single? That’s supposed to be fun right? It is. Think about all the interesting things, topics, ideas, and conversations you can have with all those beautiful people out there without getting into an argument at the end of the night about some nonsense. If you strive to be happy in the future, you have to be happy in the now. You must find something in your life that you are happy for and appreciate right now. Then build on that happiness. When you consciously think about what happened and then make a conscious decision to move on with your life and be happy with who you are. Others will always want to be around someone who is confident in themselves.
3. Focus on who you want to be. You should honestly be happy that you are now single. Think about how much extra time you have to work on yourself. This might sound a little selfish, but your 20’s are definitely a time to establish yourself and your career. All the time you spent in bed, at the park talking about nonsense, going to parties, can now be used to improve your own life. Utilize the extra time to further yourself as a human. When you work hard, you reap the benefits.
4. Write your thoughts and ideas down. After a difficult break up it might be hard carrying all of those draining emotions around. Which is why I write mine down. Putting my thoughts on paper has always helped me come to terms with what has happened and move on from it. Almost like a hard drive for my thoughts. It’s almost as if when I turn to the next page of my journal I am metaphorically turning a page in my book of life. Writing helps me reflect, learn, and grow as a person.
5. Talk to as many people as you can. Talking to people works because it makes your mind realize how many other fish there are in the sea. When I became single again I would literally say what’s up or hi to random people, mostly girls. It also helped that I had started two new jobs and there was a ton of people to meet. Making new friends and building new relationships helps you come to terms with the fact that one day you will build another healthy relationship with a lover.
So get out there, and get it. Look at you! You deserve it.
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